I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
