You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
sex in a hospital.. check
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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