i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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