You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
