Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
