what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
