I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
