Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
