i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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