A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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