so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
