So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
