She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
