the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
