Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
