I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
