Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
