Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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