How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
where are my eyebrows?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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