Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
