Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
