is your mom at the bar?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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