I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
