the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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