just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
