i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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