Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
