never play flip cup with pint glasses
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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