I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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