Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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