i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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