I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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