no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
