Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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