just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
