woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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