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We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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