Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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