I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
