Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
