Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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