the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Randomize
