Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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