so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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