Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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