i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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