she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
