there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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