i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
