I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
