From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
