My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
