he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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