I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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