I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
