That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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