Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
this is an emotional support booty call
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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