if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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