I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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