I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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