why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
